To Be Broken
by AndDownCameTheRain
Summary: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes lost a lot more to the war than they realized. Over seventy years later, a rehabilitated Bucky and Steve go in search of their missing friend, Ruth Abrams. She has seen horrors no person should ever know, and isn't sure of her place in the world after being rescued from the KGB. She fears she is too broken, but Bucky and Steve are determined to fix her
1. Chapter 1

_**Of everything to make my writing debut in, I choose Captain America… These ideas just came to me and I had to write them...and I love me some Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan. **_

_**I don't know quite how this story will go, but I hope everyone enjoys it! You will learn with my character as she recalls her forgotten life- and I will learn with you all because I'm not sure what I'm writing next. I have always enjoyed reading stories that leave you in the dark. **_

_**Anyhow, I hope everyone enjoys! Please note that my Russian translations do come from Google Translate, and I have no clue to what they might actually mean if the words are indeed messed up. **_

_**Please read and review, and let me know how I've done!**_

* * *

_It is freezing inside of the concrete room, but it's nothing to the impassive form standing before her commander. _

Looking at the young woman now, no one would be able to tell what tragedies have befallen her. No one could see the dark bruises hidden beneath dark pants and a baggy white T-shirt; they wouldn't see the criss-crossing lines of belt marks on her skeletal body; no one could tell she was starving. Her face around her superiors remains cold and icy, but many people in the world today wouldn't say anything. There are bitter people all over the world.

God...her eyes, though. Her eyes speak horrors and nightmares she'd never speak of- many of them forgotten to her after years of brainwashing and mind control. Everything bad she should remember, she doesn't, leaving her an empty shell of a woman.

She doesn't remember the bad or the good. She doesn't remember happiness and has familiarized herself with pain. All the things that she should remember is lost to her- a name, a life with people who love her, a short lifetime of defining moments of happiness and a sprinkling of the bad, and everything else that makes a person a person.

The only thing that defines her now is a single word. Not a name, but a title that is bestowed upon nightmares. Смерть. _Death. _

The Commander steps closer to the brain-washed soldier, studying over the ravaged product from over seventy years worth of abuse. She is still youthful and strong due to her many years spent inside a cryotank. "Привет, солдат."

"командующий," the exhausted girl acknowledges, her voice a slurred Brooklyn accent with Russian influence. She only remembers a few things from the last few weeks, and her body is exhausted. Death has been put through hours of grueling training and mind games, and there has been little sleep for her.

She fell asleep long enough to grab maybe three hours. Then, dead in the middle of the night, sirens went off and Death was dragged from her cell and she was terrified.

The Commander steps beside the girl, laying out a file on the metal table before them. Death's eyes flicker downwards, watching as he presents her with pictures and a few typed sheets of information. "I have a mission for you, soldier."

He taps one picture for her to look at. The man is tall and blond, with baby blue eyes that have seen years worth of war and pain. The man is donned in a red, white, and blue uniform with a circular shield to match.

"Do you recognize this man?"

Death tilts her head. "No, Commander."

"This man is named Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America. He is your target." He seems smug as he explains this information, grinning darkly as he continues to go over the material.

Then, he gestures to the next picture, and Death's heart beats a little faster. The man in this picture is tall and well built. His eyes are a beautiful, perfect shade of blue tinged with grey. His hair is long and dark- it just barely passes his shoulders. Also, he has a scruffy beard. The way he looks, though, is that of a haunted man. His eyes have seen the same horrid things that she has seen, and she just doesn't know it.

For whatever reason, she knows him. The sight of him makes her head spin and her heart pound, and it makes her scared. How does she know this man?

The Commander gives her a look. "Do you recognize him, soldier?"

Again, Death shakes her head. It's more out of fear, because she doesn't want to be wiped again. "No, Commander." Also, she doesn't want to forget him...whoever this man is. There's something about this man that is familiar and comforting...a luxury she has never been afforded.

"James Barnes. He was also called the Winter Soldier during his time with HYDRA," the Commander says, his lips drawn back in a snarl. Then, there are more pictures followed by several names. _Tony Stark- Iron Man. Natasha Romanoff- Black Widow. Clint Barton- Hawkeye. _The familiarity ends with James' picture, and the rest are merely assets for Death to end.

"These people are attacking our compound, and I am equipping you to stop them. Do you think you can be trusted with such a task, Death?"

Death nods. "Yes, Commander."

"You are Death, and Death conquers all," the Commander snaps. "You are to take these people out. No matter how bloody or painful, see that they are brought to a violent end. But first...bring them to me."

"Yes, Commander," she speaks dully.

There's a long moment of silence and then the Commander lets her go. Death stand before him like a soldier- ramrod straight with her arms at her sides, waiting for her next order. The Commander looks over to the two men standing behind the table. "Мужчины! Take Смерть to her cell and see her ready for her mission."

"Yes, Commander!" They quickly stand on either side of her, escorting the tiny girl from the dark room and back to her cell.

…

_Death dresses accordingly to her name._

Her clothing is pitch black- black thermal shirt, black cargo pants, black combat boots, and a set of black body armor. The clothes are lightweight and allows Death to move swiftly and stealthily, letting her take out her target with practiced ease.

Now, she lurks in the darkened hallways. Death doesn't remember ever seeing them, always having lurked in the deepest depths of the compound in the basements and her cryotank. Her ever-moving eyes take in the area around her, searching for movement in the dim light signaling that dawn is soon approaching.

She waits for what feels like a lifetime when she hears footsteps and whispers.

"_What do you mean, 'Stay together?' This is an extraction mission, and the sooner one of us finds her, the sooner we can blow this joint." _The voice is distinctly male, and he sounds skeptical of whatever plan he's been given.

There's a scoff next to him. "_She is a trained assassin, Stark. If we split up, we're as good as dead because she is most likely armed and dangerous."_

"_What makes you think she's in commission, huh? What if she's in one of those deep freezers like you were?"_

"_God, I wish you would shut up. I __**knew **__I should have went with Steve."_

Death's eyes narrow at the banter, but she carefully takes the safety off her gun. Her mind processes the information rapidly, and she realizes that these people have split up into teams of two or three. Then, no logical person would take the main entrance due to fire power and the number of men. The only places they would enter into is here- one of the cellar doors- another door leading from the upper levels of the base, and possibly through one of the side doors meant as an emergency exit.

_Looks like I've got a game to play, _Death thinks mindlessly.

The cellar door creaks open and Death watches as a blue light sweeps over the room. She hears the metal of a suit and a soft whirring sound, like that of a machine. Her ears pick up heavy breathing and she watches as two men walk in, looking scared as they take in the environment.

Death realizes them as James Barnes and Tony Stark. _Winter Soldier and Iron Man. _They look around the darkened room, and she can see Iron Man looks rather disgusted with what he sees.

"_Oh, God. Is that an eyeball in that jar?"_

"_Jesus Christ, you idiot! Don't touch anything."_

Iron Man glares. "_I liked you better when you were The Winter Popsicle."_

Death watches as The Winter Soldier narrows his eyes. She sees anger in his eyes, and Death feels a fluttering in her stomach. _Who is he? _Her dark eyes study over him, and she squeezes her eyes closed at a feeling of sudden panic and _God, why does she know him_? Death shakes away the panic, focusing on her mission.

The lithe girl begins to move as they explore the darkened halls. She watches from the shadows as they close in towards one of the great rooms in the expansive basement, and she can hear Iron Man chattering the whole time, and it irritates The Winter Soldier.

"_If you don't shut up…"_

"_You'll what? Tell Steve on me?"_

The soldier growls. "_I really hope she kills us. It'll save me the pain of being with you."_

…

When Death returns to the Commander, he praises her.

Death listens to the quiet words of praise by the man. She done the first part of her mission- to lure them in. It would be a matter of moments before all the _Avengers _would join them in Commander's experiment room. Looking around, Death sees a bloody metal table with surgical tools, a tank with a long-frozen body inside, and several more things that would make any normal person _sick_.

She stands obediently at his side, clutching her gun as she waits to carry out the second part of her mission. She listens as footsteps come closer and closer, and she readies her gun for combat on the Commander's word. Moments later, she feels the room come alive. Death's glassy eyes cut towards the door, watching as the Avengers file in and she cannot help but to imagine them as lambs to the slaughter.

Suddenly, the dimmed lights come to life. Death watches as the Commander grins at the team, his voice rumbling through the room. "_Hello, Avengers."_

Death listens as weapons are donned and brought to life. She hears the charge of electricity and the cocking of a gun and a strong mechanical whir. Her dark eyes cut over towards the team, and she can see they're putting on brave faces despite what they will go up against.

"It was clever...to try to take the base in the early hours. There would be a lack of security, all would be sleeping, not a soul for us to call and help us battle _you_," the Commander says, grinning in a way that makes Death frightful. "_However_, we are not a stupid people. There is _always _backup."

The man in red, white, and blue glares. Death tries to remember his name. _Steve_. Captain America. The name stirs something in Death, and her mind races through images of a slight, skinny man with blue hues and blond hair. "We're not here to talk, Ivanov. We know you have her."

Death frowns. What does he mean? Who is Commander holding? She searches her head, which is beginning to pound with a harsh throb.

"I hold no one you know. The young woman I have here is another being entirely," Commander says, leaning against the table. He smiles darkly at the Avengers. "The body you'd see is nothing but a shell, and she's _dangerous_."

Then, after a small pause, Commander calls for her. "Смерть! Come and introduce yourself to our friends."

Robotically, she steps out beside the Commander, eyes honing in on the Avengers. They stare back at her, all clearly frightened. Her eyes, however, meet The Winter Soldier's and she shudders secretly. _There's something about those damn eyes_. Death searches his form, trying to remember something..._anything _about this man.

Then, there's a name. _Bucky. _

The Winter Soldier only stares, mouth agape. "Doll...what did he do to you?" His voice quakes and the sound hurts Death. She feels her chest contract and something in her mind screams: _I know him. Where is he from? Who is he? _Bucky… She sees someone who looks like him playing in her mind. He's tall with a sweet smile; he's dressed in a soldier's uniform, and he's holding her.

Commander steps aside. "The soldiers won't fight against her. I'll never understand the need to protect something that is _lost. _The thing about _my _soldier, though, is that she holds no sentiment. She's _ruthless_."

"We can fix her," Steve pipes.

"You can't, because every single one of you shall die. Death...she is a fleeting thing. She comes and goes like a ghost, and has _never _missed her target," the Commander announces rather proudly. Then, he smiles and looks to Death. "Complete your mission, Death. Make them suffer."

Without missing a beat, she lifts her gun and charges. Engaging in combat is second nature to Death, and her muscles remember a range of movements that leave her moving gracefully around the scrambling Avengers. There is the firing of bullets and punches thrown. Death narrowly hears, "_Don't shoot her!" _over the sound of gunfire and screaming.

Her gun is out of bullets before Death realizes, and she's fighting against the one they called Clint. She brings the gun down hard against his skull, trying to bring it down again and again before she's pulled back. The red headed woman, Natasha, throws a fist at her and Death elbows her in the face. The assassin goes stumbling and Death lunges at Captain America, her fist smashing into his throat to cut his breath and she punches him hard, struggling to take him down to the floor.

_All it takes is one kick, and he will be gone_.

Arms wind around her, and Death thrashes about. She arches her body, going to throw her legs up and she wraps herself around the target's neck, holding on for dear life and she squeezes and twists, trying to break the neck and cut off their air supply.

"_Ruthie, stop!"_

The name makes Death blanch, and her struggle stops long enough for her to be thrown into the floor. She feels her shoulder pop, and she can't help but to cry, gritting her teeth against the pain. Death pushes herself up with her good arm, staring at the dark figure in front of her. It's the redhead she was fighting, and she can see murder written in the woman's eyes.

Then, the woman lifts her foot, bringing it quickly at Death's head. There are sounds of protest, but the assassin strikes at Death anyway.

Death tries to throw her hand up to protect herself, but she's met with pain- then, there's darkness.

….

"_Promise me you'll be safe."_

_A man with dark hair holds her close. He peppers kisses across her forehead, and she just knows that she's scared. Her heart hammers in her chest, and she'll have to let him go in just a few moments and she doesn't want to. _

_The man kisses her deeply. "I'm going to come home to you. Never doubt it, Ruth."_

"_I've lost so much. I just don't want you to leave," she croaks, looking up into his blue hues like it's the last time she's ever going to see him. "I'm scared, Bucky."_

"_I know you are," Bucky soothes. "You have Steve, so you won't be alone. You two take care of one another for me, okay?"_

_Ruth sniffles. "We will. I promise we will." _

_Bucky smiles, swooping down to give her one last kiss. It lingers on her lips, and she hugs him close to her tiny body tightly. "I love you. Always have, always will."_

"_I love you, too, Bucky."_

…

Death's eyes flutter open, and she's met with the dim light of a room. She blinks away the haze in her vision, and just doing so drains her completely of energy. Death's head pounds and she feels sick to her stomach, and she feels scared.

She picks her head up, looking around the room. The room is small, but much bigger than that coat-closet of a cell. In her cell, she was barely able to stretch out to sleep. In this room, though, Death is able to breathe and she doesn't feel trapped. She's tucked into a bed, blankets and sheets encasing her skinny body in an envelope of warmth. Death can hear the whirring and beeping of machines, and she's aware that she's attached to wires and tubes. Usually, Death would have panicked and fought and screamed until they sedated her, but she doesn't have the strength to fight.

For the first time, Death is allowed to feel _tired_. Her bones hurt and her muscles ache. Even though she isn't standing, her feet scream with pain from being ignored on missions and during training.

Death's eyes sweep across the other side of the room, and her eyes lock on a figure seated in a reclining chair. His hair is shaggy, hanging in his face and stops just at his chin. He has a dark, scruffy beard and his mouth, even in sleep, is set in a scowl. His head is propped up on his arm, and his other arm, made of metal, dangles at the chair's side.

Anxiousness settles in Death's chest, and she stares at the man. She can't exactly remember what happened just a few days ago, but she knows the man somehow. She knows his face, his person...everything.

Before Death can think or stop herself, her voice rings through the room. "_Bucky?" _The name is a desperate plea and she sounds scared and sick. Her voice shakes and is weak, and Death frowns for sounding so ill.

She watches as Bucky shoots up. His eyes are wide, and she sees familiar blue hues and Death feels comfort drape over her like a heavy blanket. She doesn't understand why or how, but she knows that this man means she's safe. Whatever empty feeling had crossed her is lifted, and she looks to him with tired eyes

Bucky scrambles out of his chair, a small smile replacing his scowl. "Ruth?" Death frowns at that. _Ruth? _Death thinks the name is too soft for her, but she has never been called anything but the ghastly name given by The Commander. She smiles unknowingly, liking the sound of the name. _Ruth_.

Bucky is at her bedside in an instant. He smiles down at her softly, and Ruth stares up at him with tired eyes. The man watches her with careful eyes, studying her over. "Hey, doll. You weren't supposed to be awake for a while."

Ruth frowns a little. "Where am I?"

Bucky offers a sad smile. "You're at the Avengers' Compound. We brought you here to the medical bay- you're pretty banged up and we need to get you better." He reaches down to Ruth, stroking her dark hair from her eyes and Ruth tenses up, pulling away from him. It's been many years since she has had human contact as soft as Bucky's, but she flinches away in fear his touch might lead up to something more and she hears him apologize to her.

"I don't feel good," Ruth says shakily, looking up at Bucky.

"I'd say you don't. Natasha almost ripped you a new one," Bucky says, frowning deeply. "Do you remember anything from the fight, Ruth?"

Ruth shakes her head weakly. "I...I don't. I'm sorry."

Bucky shakes his head. "Don't worry. You've got a while before things will start to come back to you." He looks down at her, trying to smile for her.

"Then why do I know you?" Ruth asks. She reaches up with a trembling hand and she grasps Bucky's fingers, feeling sure that he won't hurt her. She lets Bucky intertwine their fingers, and the man runs his thumb over her scarred knuckles. "I don't know you, but I do. I know your name. Why do I know your name…"

"It's okay, Ruth," Bucky soothes. "You won't remember for a while. You have a lot going on up here," Bucky gestured to her head playfully, and Ruth grins lopsidedly even though her face hurts. "Try to rest now. Do you want me to go get a nurse? They can give you pain killers."

Ruth shakes her head. "нет. I don't want them." Her body shakes at the thought of being given something that will put her to sleep, and she doesn't want it. She'd rather feel constant pain rather than being drugged into an incoherent stupor.

Bucky nods, leaning against the bed frame as he looks down at Ruth. "You don't have to have them. Just try to sleep if you can, Ruth."

Slowly, she begins to doze. She floats somewhere between waking and sleep, letting Bucky's comfort wash over her and she feels safe for the first time in years. The pain begins to disappear and soon, it fades and she's left weightless and calm.

Then, before she finally slips off into unconsciousness, Ruth feels the warmth of lips on her head and the roughness of Bucky's beard.

"_I'm not leaving you, doll. Not ever again."_

* * *

**Russian Translations:**

**Смерть- **_**Death**_

**командующий- **_**Commander**_

**Привет, солдат- **_**Hello, Soldier**_

**Мужчины**_**!**_**\- **_**Men!**_

**нет**_**\- No**_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'd like to give a big shout out to everyone that has read and reviewed this story! Thanks for all the favorites and follows, and I hope there are many more to come. **

**I hope everyone enjoys, and feel free to review and leave your thoughts!**

* * *

_Ruth's next few days are spent between sleeping and waking. _

The moments she is awake are fleeting, and they're usually spent in a haze of mumbled words and looking around her hospital room for Bucky, who is thankfully never far from her side. Ruth doesn't remember much from these moments, but she remembers Bucky giving her sips of water and soothing her back to sleep. Other times, she heard snippets of quiet conversations and caught sight of a blond man gazing down at her, and she knew she seen a woman with red hair and a man dressed in a doctor's clothes.

This time Ruth wakes, and she feels better rested and she doesn't hurt as badly as when she had the first time she woke. Ruth feels a dull ache in her leg and in her back and her arm hurts, and her head still hurts. She takes a deep breath in, and she exhales it as a long yawn and she stretches her sore body, cringing at the popping sounds her joints make.

"Miss Abrams?" Ruth picks her head up, and she finds a group of doctors gathered in the room. They stare at her with careful, calculating eyes and Ruth feels anxiousness begin to form, settling in her body like a dark, heavy veil.

_Who the hell is Miss Abrams?_

"How are you feeling?" asks a man. His hair is sandy blond and his eyes are green, and Ruth watches as he approaches the bed. "You've been sleeping for quite a few days, but we will chalk that up to exhaustion."

Ruth scoots away from the doctor. "Where's Bucky?" She's practically hanging off the bed at this point, and she's shaking as the doctor edges ever-closer to her. "I...I want Bucky."

"Mr. Barnes is in the cafeteria, I believe," the man supplies, and offers an over-exaggerated smile to Ruth who shakes even harder. "Since you are awake, do you mind if we take a look at your arm? We may need to change the bandages…"

Ruth shoves the man away. "Don't touch me."

"Miss Abrams…"

"I said don't touch me!" Ruth roars, shoving him away as she falls from the bed. All the tubes and wires connecting her come loose, and machines begin to go haywire with lost connection and blood oozes from her arm due to her pulling out her IV. Ruth scuttles backwards, trying to pull at her arm which is wrapped in bandages and in a sling. She stops once she feels something pop in her arm, and blood soaks through the bandages her gown. "I want Bucky…"

Ruth backs herself into a corner, her breathing shallow and she's close to hysterics. All she can think about is _Bucky_, and she knows it'll be okay once he's here. She doesn't want any of these doctors touching her and she's _scared. _

The doctor Ruth knocked down barks something to one of the interns. "Someone go get Barnes- _now_!" Ruth watches as one of them darts out to the room, screaming something about, "_Have you seen James Barnes," _before taking off down the hallway to find the man.

Close to ten minutes pass before he's found. Ruth stays balled up in her corner, ignoring all the nurses and doctors who shoot her terrified looks like she's some kind of monster. She ignores her pain and discomfort- they've never mattered before. She decides that if she can hold out for Bucky, she might let someone treat her, but she's wary of doctors.

All doctors have caused her pain, and she's not about to let just any of them come around her.

"_Ruth?" _She picks her head up at the sound, and she looks to see a worried looking Bucky standing in the doorway of her room. He's dressed out in jeans and a black shirt, his hair falling carelessly around his face.

Ruth releases a pitiful sound that's something between and whine and a sob. "_Bucky_." She watches as Bucky approaches her slowly, bypassing the overturned monitors and the bed that got pushed when Ruth fell out of bed.

Bucky kneels about four foot from where Ruth sits. His blue eyes search Ruth's tense body, and he reaches out to her carefully. "Hey, doll."

"D-Don't…" Ruth releases a shuddering sob, trying to control her shaking and she lifts a hand to her mouth and squeezes her eyes closed. "Please, don't touch me."

Bucky only nods. "I won't, Ruth. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?" He gives Ruth a small frown, leaning back on his heels. "Why are you crying?"

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone and mess stuff up," Ruth sobs harshly. She releases a wheezing breath, trying to dry her tears because a soldier doesn't show weakness. The more she tries to calm down, the more hysterical she becomes. "I'm sorry. He just kept getting closer to me and he didn't listen and…"

Bucky hushes her softly, inching a little closer. "Ruth, it's okay. You need to calm down."

Ruth hiccups and looks up to Bucky. She sniffles and tries so hard to stop crying, but she can't. "Why do I know you? I can't remember, but I _know you._" She can't remember a thing about the man, but all she wants is for him to stay. His mere presence takes her pain away and she doesn't hurt as bad when he's there, it seems.

"We're not gonna talk about that right now, babydoll. For now, we need to get you cleaned up. You popped some stitches and it looks like you hurt yourself when you ripped that IV out of your arm." Bucky extends his hand to Ruth, giving her a gentle look. She extends her good arm to Bucky and he takes her hand, carefully pulling her from the floor. "They have a different room for you down the hall, and there's gonna be a different doctor to look at you."

Ruth shakes her head quickly, backing away from Bucky. "_No. _I don't wanna see anymore doctors. Bucky, _please."_

"No one will hurt you, Ruth. I'm going to be there the whole time, okay?" He offers his hand to Ruth and she takes it, letting Bucky curl his fingers around her skinny ones.

Ruth nods and she stumbles from the room with Bucky's help. She ignores the dark stares from the hospital staff as she walks down the hall to an open room, and inside waits a tall blond man and a smaller man with dark hair and chocolate eyes to boot.

The blond man frowns at the sight of Ruth. "Is she okay?"

Bucky hums, and Ruth lets him lead her to the bed. "She's just shaken up. I think she popped a stitch when she fell out of bed."

Ruth watches with careful eyes as the blond man grabs a box from the nightstand. He pulls out a few tissues and extends them to Ruth, offering a small smile. "Calm down, Ruthie. Dry your face and blow your nose, okay?"

She takes the tissues from the man, confused about who he is even though he looks painfully familiar. She quickly dries her tears with her good arm, clearing her face of tears and mucus before disposing of them shyly and quickly.

The dark haired man steps forward, keeping a respectful distance away from Ruth to give her space. "It's nice to meet you, Ruth. My name is Bruce Banner, and I'm going to be your doctor while you're here."

Ruth sucks in a trembling breath. Somewhere deep down in her, she knows it would be polite to shake his hand, but she's too scared to do it. So, she just looks up to the doctor, listening as he talks calmly and gently to her.

"Can I get a look at your shoulder? We might have to fix a stitch or two if you popped something," Bruce explains calmly.

Ruth shakes her head, her heart hammering at the thought of him coming at her with a needle. Her body trembles at the thought, and she desperately scoots away from Bruce and all the way to the back of the bed and up against the wall, her body shaking hard.

"He just wants to help, Ruth. He's not going to hurt you." Bucky scoots around the side of the bed, coming to stand next to Ruth. He reaches out tentatively and places his hand on her good shoulder and shushes her, making her tired body relax.

Ruth releases a shuddering breath, trying her best not to start crying again. She feels Bucky rub the back of her neck with his thumb, and her shaking body relaxes. Then, she looks up to Bucky. "Will you stay?"

Bucky gives a small smile. "You know I will, honey. Are you ready to have Bruce check you?"

Ruth nods, and it prompts Bruce to grab some gloves and he comes close to her, touching her only when he has her permission and he's sure she won't lash out. Ruth is motionless as he peels back her gown to see her shoulder, in which Ruth discovers she had emergency surgery because it was badly dislocated and she shattered the bones there.

"I'll have to restitch some of it. You tore quite a few of them," Bruce says softly. He looks to Ruth and casts her a small smile. "You'll be fine, though. You've been my most resilient patient so far and have healed great since your surgery."

Ruth sniffles a little, but nods. Bruce smiles for her. "You sit tight, then. I'm going to get a suture kit and Bucky and Steve will be right here the entire time." The terrified woman watches as Bruce exits the room and she feels Bucky's hand on her head, threading his fingers through her dark hair.

"You're being real brave, Ruth." Bucky dries a stray tear away and sits on the edge of the bed. "He'll have you patched up quick."

Ruth lets her shoulders sag and she huffs tiredly, unable to argue. Her body tremors and she looks shyly to her right to see the man Bruce called Steve leaning against the wall, careful to respect Ruth's personal space.

Steve gives her a kind look, and Ruth feels her nerves calm a little. "We won't let anything bad happen to you, okay?"

"Okay," Ruth agrees tiredly.

…

_Three stitches and a roll of gauze later, Ruth_ _is left to rest with both Steve and Bucky to watch over her_.

The three of them chatter quietly, even though Bucky and Steve are mostly the ones talking. Ruth remains mostly silent, but she takes in the things that they say and sees if she can put together anything in her mind.

She still can't remember much, but she remembers Bucky in small spurts. She remembers him kissing her as he was leaving for God knows where, and she remembers him making her promise for her to take care of Steve. She doesn't quite remember Steve, but she knows that he's different for some reason. Everything else is a blur, and she can't piece any of it together to make sense.

"How do you know me?" Ruth asks quietly, lying back in the twin hospital bed. Each man sits on either side of the bed in a chair, but only at Ruth's permission. She's curled beneath several blankets as she was feeling cold, and Steve and Bucky tucked her in under three blankets to keep the chill away.

Steve responds with a small hum. "We met when we were little. Our families were friends, and we grew up together. My mother and your mother were nurses in the same hospital."

Ruth furrows her brow a little, trying so hard to remember something about her family, but she can't remember anything. Steve must see her struggling, so he helps her along. "We were real close… Your mother would bring over something when I was sick and here you'd come behind her, ready to try to make me better."

Something goes off in Ruth's head like fireworks. "You wanted to be a soldier when you grew up...like your dad. I wanted to be a doctor, and I tried to make you better so you could be a soldier."

Steve and Bucky laughs aloud at Ruth. "You're right. Once you caught my colds and a couple of rounds of strep, your ma made you stay home. Then we started school, and we met Bucky. I was a magnet for trouble- I didn't like bullies… I'd get beat up and then Bucky would get beat up by the bullies sometimes. Then, you'd drag us to your house by the ear and tell us we were morons while you patched us up."

Bucky snorts inelegantly. "Remember when she beat up Ernie Willis in fourth grade?"

"I _swear _he wasn't supposed to be in grammar school. That kid was a monster."

"Well, she went and broke his nose and tore him a new one," Bucky says proudly, looking over to Ruth and he grins widely. "He bested me and Stevie, but you got 'em good. Your old man was proud of you…you were the oldest of six kids, and you weren't no pushover. Your daddy raised you all tough…"

Ruth giggles weakly, and Bucky laughs as he continues to tell stories from their childhood and well into their teenage years and into their adulthood. Ruth knows he is omitting certain parts, but she doesn't say anything to him as he continues to speak.

He gets to a certain part about leaving for war, and Ruth looks to Bucky with knowing eyes. "We were on the train platform- they blew the last whistle and everyone was getting ready to leave."

Bucky lifts an eyebrow, leaning forward in his chair. "What do you remember?"

Ruth huffs a little. "You...you kissed me, I think. You told me to take care of Steve 'cause he was always getting sick, and all we had was each other. I said I was scared, and I made you promise to come home."

Bucky frowns deeply. "Ruth…"

Ruth feels tears burn in her eyes, and she looks between Bucky and Steve. "None of us came home, did we?"

The two super soldier look back and forth at each other, then back to the young woman in the bed whom they both have loved and known all their lives. It's only with Bucky's answer does Ruth know the truth. "No, Ruthie, we didn't come home…" She feels him lay his hand on her thin leg, and he rubs her knee softly.

"That's when all the bad things happened," Ruth shivers, her mind flashing back to the bad things that have happened to her. She doesn't remember them all, but what she does remember is horrifying and ghastly.

_It's when her and Bucky became monsters. _

Ruth looks to Steve, and she sees the man give her a serious look. "Yes, what happened was horrible. It doesn't define who you are, because you weren't _you._ No one is born a monster, Ruth."

"Am I still a monster?"

"No, honey, you're not." Steve leans towards her, reaching out to take her good hand, but Ruth instinctively curls away from him and Steve sighs. "You were never a monster. The person they created over you- _Death_\- was a monster."

Ruth shakes her head weakly. "Death was more than just a monster...she was the devil."

There's a tense silence in the air between the three soldiers, and no one comments on what Ruth said. She can see she's unnerved Steve and upset Bucky with the words, but she can't apologize to them for it.

She knows that she contended with the very devil himself. Even though she doesn't remember stories about all her time as a soldier, she knows she has done horrible things. Ruth can recall what took place just days ago, when she fought the Avengers when they came to rescue her. She hurt them, and Ruth doesn't know how to say sorry to the lot of them.

Ruth watches as Steve shakes his head. "But you're not, and that's all that matters. The Ruthie I know wouldn't hurt a fly." He smiles softly at her and stands up, crossing his arms. "Now, I've got to go somewhere. Think you'll be okay here with Bucky for a while?"

Bucky makes a sound. "Psshhh, Stevie. We're going to have an _awesome _time while you're gone. What kind of trouble can two old people get into?"

"Knowing you two: _plenty_," Steve says, turning away from Ruth and Bucky. "Be back soon, Ruthie. Promise." Then he's gone, and Ruth is left curled in her bed with Bucky close to her, and she smiles over at him.

Ruth gives Bucky a look. "Trouble, huh?"

Bucky grins. "Stevie is teasing. There's not much trouble we can get into if we're in a hospital. Well...I mean I have seen Stark and Clint have wheelchair races."

Ruth feels her heart sink. "Your friends- I am sorry… I hurt them." She remembers hitting the man named Clint in the head with her gun- she was going to bash his skull in. Then, she hit Natasha so hard it might have made the woman faint for a few seconds, but Ruth wanted to choke the life out of her. _God, _she tried to kill _Steve_ of all people.

She just prays she didn't hurt Bucky.

"What happened at that lab wasn't you, doll," Bucky says softly.

"But are they okay?"

"It was just scrapes and bruises, okay? We stopped you before anything really bad happened," Bucky reassures, still rubbing her knee to bring her some comfort, stopping only when her body tenses a little. Ruth only nods, blinking away tears and she tries to calm her inevitable shaking. "Don't freak out… You're okay, Ruth. What happened was when you weren't _you_. You can't control stuff like that."

Ruth nods, hunkering down beneath her fortress of blankets as though they're the only things to keep her safe. She squeezes her eyes closed and releases a trembling breath, struggling to be strong. Then, she feels the warmth of a hand on her cheek and she startles a little, but doesn't turn away.

"Just rest, okay? We can talk later if you want to." Bucky smiles sadly before sitting back down in his chair, and Ruth responds with a low hum as she closes her eyes, afraid of the judgment she'll face as she keeps diving deeper into her past as _Death. _

…

_Two weeks passed while she's at the compound._

Nothing eventful truly happens during those two weeks. Ruth gets to meet the rest of the Avengers, but she was too shy to truly interact with any of them. She may have uttered quiet apologies to Tony and Clint, but she hid when Natasha came.

Other than being introduced to the Avengers, she hasn't had anything interesting happen. She hasn't remembered anything about her life before being taken by the KGB or anything after, and she prays that it stays that way.

Ruth sits on the edge of the bed where Bucky is knelt before her, helping tie the brand-new tennis shoes to her feet. Bruce cleared her to be released from the medical wing of the compound and she's joining Steve and Bucky in their living quarters. Being released took an act of Congress and a miracle from God, because she had to pass a psych evaluation and gain some weight before Bruce would even consider letting her go. Now, she's set to leave the medical bay with Bucky and Steve's promise to meet later in their living quarters since he has to be in a meeting.

"Tony's girlfriend helped us set your room up. It was a little rushed, but I'm sure you'll love it," Bucky says, carefully tying off the laces of her left shoe. He looks up to Ruth and smiles softly, rising to his feet. "I'll show you around and we'll stop for lunch after. You just let me know when you're ready for a break."

Ruth nods and rises to her feet, finding that her legs are still a little weak from almost two weeks of not being used. Gaining her balance, Ruth walks with Bucky through the compound and they take an elevator up a few floors where they exit on Steve and Bucky's floor.

The space has a kitchen and dining room put together, and there's a small living room just on the other side of the bar counter. It's completely furnished with a couch and a recliner. Ruth also sees what she thinks to be a television, but there are other gadgets she's not sure about. The walls are a cream color with white trim, making the room soft and not too bright and it makes the area cozy. Then, there's a hallway that has four doors on either side, and Ruth turns to Bucky who smiles at her a little.

"Do ya like it?" Bucky asks, and Ruth gives a small smile in answer.

"I like it," Ruth answers gently, looking around the living space. She's unsure how three people are going to function here, but she's glad to have a bigger space to move around in.

Bucky gestures for her to follow him. "C'mon, I'm going to show you our rooms. Hopefully you'll like yours."

Ruth dutifully follows Bucky, and she finds the man showing off Steve's bedroom first. There's a queen bed pushed up against the far wall on the left side. To the right, there's a desk with a small computer on it with papers strewn everywhere. Then, there's a small wardrobe and the doors are propped open, showing off the Captain's clothes. The walls are painted a navy blue color that Ruth finds befitting of Steve, but is a little dark.

Then, Ruth is shown Bucky's room. She finds Bucky's room to be just a little neater than Steve's- everything has a place somewhere in the room. Like Steve's room, Bucky has a queen bed that is pushed up against the left wall. There's a chest at the foot of the bed and over to the right of the room, there's a small desk with various technological devices strewn across it. Bucky also has a built in closet, the door slightly ajar. His walls are a mocha color, making the room warm and cozy and there are papers on the walls that Ruth recognizes as war memorabilia.

Before they leave, Bucky stops Ruth and he looks to her. "I want you to promise me that you'll come get me or Steve if you don't feel good, safe- anything. If you have a bad dream, you come get one of us. Even if it's just to have someone to talk to so you're not lonely, I want you to come get one of us. Okay?"

"Okay," Ruth promises and Bucky leads her away from his room and shows Ruth to her room, which is the last door on the right, just across from his. Bucky lets her do the honors by opening the door, and she's taken aback by the room.

The walls are a dark ocean blue, and Ruth grins. Her bed is a sleigh bed pushed over against the far wall on the right, just by the window that looks over the grounds of the compound. The sheets are stark white and her comforter is a sandy brown color, as are her pillows. Over to her left is a desk with God knows what on it- papers and pens and all sorts of gadgets she doesn't even know the names of. She also has a closet as well as a chest of drawers, and Ruth sees that they're stocked with clothes.

The wiry woman turns to Bucky with tears in her eyes. Did she truly deserve all this? How does a monster deserve a luxury such as this? She went from sleeping in a concrete cell with no bed to having an entire room to herself.

"Why do I deserve this?" Ruth asks, her voice shaking. "I don't deserve any of this…"

Bucky places a hand on Ruth's good shoulder, squeezing carefully. "You deserve all this and more. This room is just the beginning of everything you're gonna have." His blue eyes search hers and he gives her a gentle look. "You feel how you need to, okay? Just don't ever think you're not deserving of anything."

Ruth smiles thankfully to Bucky and she watches the man smile back. "Thank you. I need to meet your friend...tell her thank you, too."

"We can when you're ready to." She knows he's still taking into account that she's skittish around people. "Pepper was happy to help any way she could. She's excited to have someone else to talk to besides all these boys at the Tower."

Ruth furrows her brow. _The Tower? God, how many places do these people stay at? _She chooses not to say anything else of it, and Bucky steps back from her. "Do you want to go have lunch right now? I'm not good at cooking, but I'm sure we can make something."

"Is...is it okay if I stay here? I want to look around." Ruth gives Bucky a hopeful look, praying that she's able to stay behind while Bucky goes to makes them something.

Bucky smiles. "It's your room- you can do whatever you want. I'll be in the kitchen, and you can come get me if you want me, or I'll call you once lunch is finished. Deal?"

"Deal," Ruth says, smiling to Bucky who leaves her room. Once the man is out of sight, Ruth feels her wiry body relax and the tears that she was holding at bay begin to fall down her bruised face. She lets her sore body sit on the bed, and she begins to cry silently, holding her face with her good hand.

She doesn't know what she did to deserve all this- deserve a room, deserve food, deserve clothes. Deserve Steve and Bucky. Everything she worked for in her short, meaningless, traumatic life had a price- that price was _death_. Everything she is receiving now...what price does it hold? Will they make her hunt and kill? Will they make her do some unspeakable acts to keep what they've given?

She's clinging to blind faith and hope and the very limited memory of two men she knew over a lifetime ago.

…

_Bucky hisses as the pizza pan clatters onto the stove_.

The super soldier stares at the burnt pizza he just pulled from the oven, trying to fan away the smoke rolling from the pizza and the oven. The _last _thing he needs right now is for the fire alarms to go off and have the entire compound evacuate _again. _

Bucky can work all kinds of weapons, but he still can't figure out how to work a damn oven.

Huffing, he crosses his arms. Bucky wanted to attempt to have lunch in their living quarters so he didn't have to take Ruth around a crowd or leave her by herself, but his plans are proving to be a fluke. What kind of person can't even make a _frozen pizza_?

Apparently he's that person.

Bucky tries to think about something he can make her. He knows Bruce will have his head if Ruth isn't fed like he wants- the girl is damn near skeletal. Her clothes are the smallest size they could come across for women, and they're still baggy on her and her ribs stand out and her spine and hips stick out. Ruth, who was all soft curves and she was healthy, is so tiny and ghastly that it terrifies Bucky to look at her sometimes.

She's not the girl he remembers, but he's not the man she will remember, either.

Bucky trashes the burnt pizza and puts the pan in the sink, trying to find something else for their lunch when he hears the doors slide open to reveal Steve. The soldier's brow is furrowed and he gives Bucky a look of skepticism.

"Did you forget how to use the toaster?" Steve jests, a wry smile forming on his lips.

Bucky growls. "No. I baked a pizza too long."

Steve barely hides a smile, Bucky notices. Bucky knows the man isn't great with technology, but at least he can use common household appliances. "Well, I actually stopped at that diner we like coming back from the Tower. Do burgers sound okay?" He holds up a plastic bag to boot, grinning wildly at his best friend.

Bucky sighs with relief. "Anything is better than trying to work that oven." He glares at Steve when the man laughs, but he helps his friend grab some plates and glasses, placing them at the table that way they can plate their food. "I'm going to go grab Ruth. She has been in her room since we got here… I haven't heard her make a peep."

"She's probably overwhelmed," Steve comments, grabbing their takeout boxes. "Bruce said she's going to be real skittish for a while of stuff. It's hard to imagine what she's been through."

Bucky chooses not to say anything. He's not sure of everything Ruth has been through, but he has an idea and he's sure her experience isn't any better than what his was while with HYDRA. "I'll go get her. She's probably figuring out how to work that computer Tony insisted he give her."

He starts for Ruth's room and he finds the door open, just as he left it. His eyes quickly spot the tiny form that is one Ruth Abrams, and she's curled up in her bed. He stalks close to the young woman, and Bucky sees that she's been crying and he doesn't know why. He asks himself whether she was hurting, or if she could have been scared and she was worried to come to him.

Bucky studies over the woman he hasn't remembered long. He has always seen Ruth in the jumbled mess that is his mind, but never knew that he loved her. Even once he remembered, it took him weeks and months leading to the evacuation plan that he knew for a fact he was still in love with her. It took hours worth of stories from Steve and looking at her picture he knew he still loved her. He read about her in books and over files and every little thing he learned about her, he fell deeper in love than he had when they were teenagers. This woman, _Ruth Katherine Abrams, _was his whole life at one point. He remembers meeting her in school and meeting her parents, who were Scottish immigrants. She was this little thing skipping down the street with Steve, singing a song in Gaelic as they walked. She was wicked smart, and was supposed to be in first grade when she was in the third with Steve and Bucky. They became fast friends when she took them home with her after Bucky got pummeled for sticking up for Steve, and she doctored them before sending them home.

The years after that, Bucky was smitten with her. He worshipped the ground she walked on, and done anything for her he could. He took her in when her parents died...made a home of sorts with her and Steve once he was old enough to move out. He recalls wanting to marry her after the war, but none of them made it home.

Bucky's not entirely sure what he wants with her now, but he knows he loves her.

"Ruth?" Bucky says softly, afraid to reach out to touch her in case she wakes in a panic. He raises his voice a little when Ruth doesn't stir. "Ruthie? Hey, wake up. Steve has lunch for us."

He listens as Ruth's breathing catches and her eyes open. She looks up at him with glassy eyes, and Bucky offers a soft smile to her. "You with me, Ruth?"

The raven haired girl releases a low sound, and Bucky grins. Ruth was always rather nonverbal when she woke up, choosing to make sounds to communicate. Sighing, Ruth sits up and is careful of her arm, and reaches up with her good are to wipe the sleep from her eyes. "I'm sorry I fell asleep…" Her voice is a little shaky, and Bucky listens to her begin to stutter. Her voice, once a distinct Brooklyn accent, has been mixed with that of Russian and she doesn't sound the same anymore.

"No, doll; you don't gotta apologize," Bucky soothes. "Do you want to come and eat? If not, I'll let you go back to sleep."

Ruth nods. "Yes. I'll come."

"Great," Bucky says, trying not to sound too excited lest he scare Ruth away. Then, he gives her a sad smile. "Why were you crying? Was something bothering you?"

Ruth opens her mouth, then closes her. She shakes her head and Bucky bends down in front of her, but gives her space. "You can tell me anything, okay? I won't make you tell me anything unless you want."

"Thank you, Bucky." Ruth sounds relieved and she smiles a little, drying away the stray tears clinging to her lashes.

"C'mon, then. We need to put some weight on you." Bucky stands back up, and Ruth follows after him. He takes her into the kitchen where Steve is setting out their plates. The blond looks at them and smiles a wide smile at the sight of Ruth.

"Hey, Ruth," Steve says gently. Bucky is glad he ignores her red, glassy eyes and her tear-stained cheeks.

Ruth smiles sheepishly. "Hello." Her voice is husky from sleep and Bucky chuckles a little, leading Ruth to the table. He pulls a chair out for her, guiding her to sit down.

"I got you something to eat if you're up to it," Steve says, carefully setting a plate before Ruth who stares at the burger and crinkle fries with an inquisitive look. "Everything is on the side depending on what you like."

Ruth lifts an eyebrow. "I don't even know what I like." This caused a tense silence and Bucky can tell Steve almost looks guilty, but the wide smile spreading across Ruth's face tells Bucky she was playing. "It was a joke. I will eat _anything_."

Bucky laughs and looks over to Steve. "She still has her sense of humor."

Steve just rolls his eyes, suppressing a smile even though he tries to act mad. Bucky watches the warped smile grow on Ruth's face- the biggest smile he's ever seen her give to anyone before since bringing her home.

"Alright, what do you want to drink, Ruthie? We have soda, juice, and water," Bucky prompts gently, crossing to the refrigerator.

Ruth wrinkles her nose. "Juice? The soda makes me sick." Bucky recalls when he gave her soda for the first time. The carbonation upset her stomach and she vomited everything right back up. Her stomach was still sensitive to some foods and drinks, and Bruce deadpanned that they keep her on bland foods for a while even though Bucky and Steve was sneaking in small amounts of pizza and lasagna for her to try.

"Juice it is," Bucky says, taking out the bottle of apple juice and grabbing a cup for Ruth. He gives her the glass, watching her take a small sip as though to test the drink.

The three sit at the table, talking quietly. It reminds Bucky of the several family dinners they had with his parents or dinners had with Mrs. Rogers. Ruth is quiet as ever, carefully eating at the meal he knows she can't quite finish yet due to her small stomach. The Ruth he remembers could almost out-eat a football team and she would do so with no shame whatsoever. Most women in the 1930s and 1940s ate daintily to maintain their figures, but not Ruth. Ruth ate them out of house and home and was still skinnier than a rail.

Bucky gives Ruth a small smile as he watches her eat the burger that's nearly bigger than her head. She struggles a little to eat it with her one good hand, the other bound up in a sling. Somehow, she manages to eat more than half her burger and vacuums down her fries.

"Are you still hungry, Ruth?" Bucky asks gently.

Ruth shakes her head. "I feel like I ate too much. I can't remember when I ate so much food."

As sad as it sounds, Bucky can relate. His years as the Winter Soldier weren't kind to him. He was nearly starved besides the liquid nutrition given through his veins or meals that could be drank through a straw. He remembers how sick Ruth had been when they first gave her solids. She had thrown up oatmeal and toast within minutes of eating it, and Ruth had apologized profusely while Bucky helped clean her up, completely inconsolable the entire time.

"I'm glad you liked it," Steve says, smiling softly. "Let us know if you're hungry later. Bruce said once your metabolism picks up you'll be pretty hungry…"

Ruth nods. "I will." Her accented voice rumbles through the room and Bucky smiles at the sound of her voice. "Can I go to my room? There's this screen thing sitting on my desk, and I wanted to see what it was."

Bucky laughs. "Do you mean the computer?"

"A _what_?"

"You're better off asking Buck," Steve deadpans. "I _suck _at using the thing. I've been unfrozen for nearly two years and you'd think I'd be caught up with the times."

Bucky just chuckles and he watches Ruth smile. "I'll show you how to work it, if you'd like."

Ruth nods enthusiastically, her smile bright. "Please?"

…

"_She wore herself out."_

Bucky observes a sleeping Ruth. The girl is strewn across her bed, laying on her back, propped up against several pillows. Her hurt arm is supported on two pillows Bucky fished out of his room and he tucked her in once she settled on the mattress. Ruth looks to be at home, looking some semblance of peaceful curled in her bed.

The ex-assassin smiles a little. "She's had an exciting day. I think that spending some time with us and that computer wasted her, though." He recalls back to the nearly two hours spent teaching her to work the computer, and she had been delighted when Bucky pulled YouTube up to play songs from the 30s and 40s. Ruth looked at him with wide eyes, and he could tell she was trying to grasp something. She was _remembering_. Her favorite all time song, undoubtedly, was Bing Crosby's _You Are My Sunshine _and Bucky had just smiled. He sang it to her all the time back in the 30s and 40s, dancing her all around their tiny two-room apartment as they laughed and he held her close.

"Maybe she'll sleep well tonight," Steve says softly. There's a hint of fear, though, and Bucky feels the same. Would Ruth wake up screaming during the night like Bucky had for months? Would she wake up crying so hard she would make herself ill? Her stay in the MedBay had been well enough. She had woken up in a dead panic some nights, but she almost never remembered anything and she always went back to sleep easily.

Bucky only nods. "She will. She's been doing well since we brought her home."

Steve sighs. "I hope. She deserves some peace." Bucky watches as he moves towards Ruth, planting a quick kiss on her forehead. "'Night, Ruthie. Sweet dreams." Then, he turns towards Bucky and offers a small smile. "I'm going to get to bed. I have a meeting tomorrow with Fury and some other ex-S.H.I.E.L.D personnel."

"Goodnight, Steve," Bucky offers quietly, looking back to Ruth who is snoring softly.

"Goodnight, Buck," Steve says, grasping Bucky's shoulder as he walks by him. "Rest. You're exhausted from staying up in the hospital with Ruth. You can't take care of her if you don't take care of yourself."

"I will. Just let me make sure she's safe."

"She's at one of the safest places on Earth, Buck. She's home with you and me," Steve answers with a smile.

Bucky smiles a little. Then, it fades and that irrational fear settles back in. What if she were taken again? They could turn their backs for a moment and then Ruth could be gone. He's scared he could lose her and he doesn't want it. He couldn't handle it.

He can't lose anything else.

Steve squeezes his shoulder. "Get to bed. Kiss her goodnight and get some sleep." Then, he's gone and saunters down the hall to his room.

Bucky looks back over to Ruth, crossing the floor to her side. He stoops over her, pressing a long kiss against her forehead. "Goodnight, Ruth." He smoothes her dark hair from her eyes and studies her sleeping features. "Sleep easy, darling."

…

_There's an insistent knocking at his door. _

Bucky shoots up out of a dead sleep, ignoring the chills that has wracked his body. He still startles at loud noises and sudden movements, but the reflexes are beginning to fade.

A moment later, there's another soft knock. Bucky frowns, calling out to the person on the other side of the door. "Come in."

The door creaks open, revealing a worried looking Ruth. She clutches at her right arm, looking to be on the verge of tears. "Bucky?" Her voice trembles and the super soldier frowns, rising to his feet.

"Hey. What's bothering you, honey?" Bucky walks towards her cautiously. Had she had a bad dream? Did she wake up scared to be alone? Was something hurting that they didn't catch at the hospital? "Did you have a bad dream?"

Ruth shakes her head. "My arm hurts. I...It throbs, and it feels like it's on fire."

Bucky makes a sound of sympathy. "How long has it been hurting?" He knows she's been hiding it all day long. She won't take anything for it, though, because she despises the way pain medication makes her feel.

"Since we left the medical wing," Ruth admits shakily, as though she'll be in trouble for being in pain.

Bucky sighs. "You should have told one of us, Ruthie. You can't suffer."

"I just hate the way it makes me feel," Ruth says miserably. She sounds the most vulnerable Bucky has ever heard, and he sees pain in her glassy blue eyes. It's not pain from her arm, but the pain of whatever she's remembering. "T-They sedated me when I fought them. They would wipe my head clean of everything after sedation, and I hated it. They always took everything from me."

Bucky frowns, stepping close to Ruth. He reaches out to touch her shoulder and he squeezes gently. "Ruthie, taking the medicine isn't a punishment. It's to make you feel better. No one, and I mean _no one, _is ever taking you from me. Not ever."

Ruth nods a little, leaning into his touch. Bucky watches as her fingers come up to curl around his. He smiles softly at the gesture before pulling Ruth close, holding her under his arm as he leads her to the kitchen.

He quickly locates the bottle containing the pain medications Bruce prescribed for her. He shakes one from the container and lays it on the counter and goes the retrieve a bottle of water for Ruth, carefully opening it and sitting it back in the counter for the girl.

"There you are, Ruth," Bucky says softly. "Take your medicine and you'll feel better."

"Promise me nothing is going to happen," Ruth begs, shaking slightly.

Bucky takes her small hand, squeezing it softly. "I _swear _nothing bad will happen, Ruth. I'll be with you the whole time. I'll hold you until you fall asleep if that's what you want."

It must comfort the girl, because she finally lets the pill pass her lips and she chases it down with a few gulps of water. She stares up at Bucky with worried eyes, but doesn't look as fearful.

"Let's get you back to bed, honey," Bucky says softly. "I'll stay until you're asleep."

Ruth clutches at his hand, intertwining their fingers. Bucky leads her back down the hallway. He helps her settle into bed, joining her at her insistence. Ruth leans heavily into his side, and Bucky can feel her heart hammering out of fear from taking the medicine. Her muscles are tense and all he can do is rub her shoulder and stroke her hair to get her to relax.

Bucky hums softly. "Relax. Nothing bad will happen."

"I don't want to go to sleep," Ruth says fearfully, and Bucky just hushes her and holds her when the shaking starts. "_Bucky_."

"I'm here," he whispers. "Nothing bad is ever going to you again, Ruth. Not with me and Stevie here, okay? We'll be damned if someone tries to hurt you."

Then, after a good fifteen minutes, the medicine starts to take. He feels Ruth's body relax and she is heavy on his shoulder. Bucky watches as she struggles to keep her eyes open, staring up at him with wide, exhausted eyes that she refuses to close. "Stop fighting it, honey. It's not forever. No one is going to take you from me."

Ruth makes a sound. "What if they take you from me?"

"Not gonna happen, Ruthie," Bucky says softly, rubbing Ruth's back. "Get some rest. I'm right here for the whole night."

Then, after some coaxing, Ruth's eyes fall closed. He feels her slump against him with all her weight, and within moments she's snoring. Her grip on him is still tight, but he doesn't plan on moving anyway. He presses a long kiss on her forehead, holding her close against his side.

_He'll never let anything bad happen to her. Not ever again. _


End file.
